Opinion » Movie Reviews

Don't be ‘fooled' into thinking this is gold

Print this story | Email this story

Kate Hudson is a distant relative of mine by marriage. Her grandfather is my Great-Uncle Deg's brother. But none of this really matters, I just think it is interesting personal trivia. Still, I feel like I should like Hudson's films, or at least go into each with high hopes. I do, have high hopes each and every time and mostly, I am sad to say, I think she makes bad script choices.

Such is the case with her newest film “Fool's Gold,” co-starring the super-hunky Matthew McConaughey. Only a fool could read this script and think “Wow! This is going to be good,” but I am being too harsh. A paycheck is a paycheck and filming in exotic locales can't be all bad, so I won't blame the stars. I blame director Andy Tennant who co-wrote the screenplay with John Claflin and Daniel Zelman for this lame attempt to capture the pleasure of films like “Romancing the Stone,” or even the mediocre “Overboard” starring Kate's mother, Goldie Hawn.

McConaughey plays Finn a treasure-hunter who owes gobs of money to people (bad people) who finance his dives. As he searches fruitlessly for a Spanish treasure ship, his wife Tess (Hudson), now working on a private yacht owned by millionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland), files for divorce and is waiting for her case to come before a judge. At court, Finn, who manages to show (late) - in spite of a run-in with his backers that leaves him boatless, friendless and floating adrift - and entices Tess with the prospect that he may actually have happened upon a famous wreck and thus treasure. Other than their on-and-off love affair and the horrid script, Finn and Tess, who is getting the treasure-hunting bug again, have only one problem - no one to finance their excursion. Well, actually they have two problems, the pair has no on-screen chemistry, but I'll get back to that later.

After her divorce is finalized, Tess returns to her job - the seed of treasure-hunting growing in her mind. All the while, as luck (and transparent storytelling) would have it, Finn's attention has been drawn to the Honeycutt yacht and happens to save a hat belonging to Nigel's bimbo daughter, Gemma (Alexis Dziena) and he ends up on board. Lo and behold, with some fast-talking and quick-stepping, Finn and Tess have a financier.

The baddies, led by Finn's disgruntled creditor, rapper Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart), expediently show up whenever Finn and crew inch closer to discovering the prize - each time engaging in ridiculously unconvincing scrapes bordering on purely asinine. I liken these confrontations to those in bad Disney films. They are just not funny or action packed, like when Tess attacks Big Bunny by whacking Bigg in his man-parts and when Finn wins a fight by grabbing a bad guy's gun after a long wrestling match on a boat and ends up chained underwater, but still manages an escape.

These and countless other idiotic scenes hardly compare to the movie's poorly developed and badly chosen characters, like Sutherland's Nigel, whose weird accent disappears altogether mid-story. I still don't understand why Sutherland agreed to take this role. He certainly doesn't need the money and he looks - every minute - as if he hates being there; what good is filming in paradise if you hate the job? I mentioned earlier that little chemistry accompanied the leads in “Fool's Gold,” but truthfully there is little chemistry among any of the characters and they are cartoonish stereotypes. Nigel's personal chefs are poorly conceived gay men, Bigg Bunny gives rappers a bad name and his henchmen can't even bumble well.

I wonder, too, if McConaughey's contract includes some fine print that requires that he be nearly naked in very scene. For over 75 percent of the film, he is in nothing but a pair of long shorts. What the producers must have saved in costuming the man! To be sure, he's hot, and has the largest pecs in the film, but when is enough enough? Neither of the film's leads do a particularly good job in this and, most certainly, the rest of the cast falls super short, as if somewhere in the midst of all the badly laid-out chaos, they figure “What the heck!” Bad script, lusterless acting and lame direction sum up Tennant's film.

Violence and adult situations (and Matt's nakedness, no doubt) make for a PG-13 rating for “Fool's Gold.” I worried, especially after the Hudson/McConaughey pairing in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Still I vowed to give this venture a fair shake, but I cannot lie; it's not good or funny or even slightly entertaining.

I am placing a D in my gradebook. I hope Hudson becomes more discriminating - and McConaughey too, for that matter - when choosing their next films.

Reader Comments