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Don't slow down to see ‘Speed Racer' movie version

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I did not take my grandson to see “Iron Man,” thinking it would either bore him or be too violent, so I opted instead to take him to see “Speed Racer,” based on the late-1960s cartoon of the same name. The two hour and fifteen minute long “Speed Racer” starring Emile Hirsch, Susan Sarandon, John Goodman and Matthew Fox, not only became tedious to my little 4-year-old, but also had one scene that caused him to want to leave the theater. I personally was put off by many aspects of the film, although some viewers might feel it has a few admirable qualities.

I loved the cartoon “Speed Racer” as a kid. My dad raced cars with his best friend and I remember looking at his old movies. I like fast cars. Speed (Hirsch) is a member of the Racer family, which also includes Pops (Goodman), Mom (Sarandon), older brother Rex (Scott Porter) and the youngest Racer, Spritle (Paulie Litt). Spritle's constant companion is Chim Chim, a chimpanzee. Rounding out the Racer race team are Trixie - Speed's longtime friend and love interest (Christina Ricci) - and auto mechanic whiz Sparky (Kick Kurry).

When Rex, Speed's idol and mentor, leaves the fold to become a member of a rival racing team (for many underlying reasons) and is killed in a racing accident, Speed steps up, but then he, too, is wooed by sinister forces. Unlike his brother, however, Speed resists temptation and, with the help of Racer X (Matthew Fox), he takes the racing world by storm, encountering undermining forces all along the way. In and of itself, the story is about as interesting as the cliché “watching paint dry” - and all the colorful, '50s-esque costuming, talented stars and vivid sets in the world can't fill in the gaps.

The Wachowski brothers, Andy and Larry, co-wrote and directed “Speed Racer.” They seem to think that a visual attack - rivaling an LSD trip - will make up for the shallow story. An epileptic most certainly should not attend and just in case, a warning should be posted regarding the assault of flashing lights, color and images that make up the majority of the film. The first go-round of racing tracers and high-speed imagery is interesting, but after dull intervals of exposition and equally flashy flashbacks, the subsequent wildly whizzing race scenes become annoying and mentally draining. Far too much visual stimulus and a bit of movie candy can make a 4-year-old pretty fidgety in his seat, and my grandson had his best friend along. Add to this an extremely long running time, even for adult audiences, and my little guy was ready to go home and to bed and he told me so no fewer than five times in the last 20 to 30 minutes of the movie.

Still if the directors' intent was to bring an animation classic to the screen in live action, then they have succeeded, but to what end? “Speed Racer” is a live action cartoon starring an exceptional cast and its stars are lost in the overwhelming visuals. And as a light cartoon, created originally for a young audience, one would expect the film to be geared toward families, but I can't say it will appeal to too many at all. For all their flash and sparkle, the race scenes are overly ostentatious and so ridiculous that it becomes laughable, going beyond what is even acceptable in the cartoon world - cars racing down ice cliffs, buzz saws shooting out of car tires, aerial flips jet stunt pilots would envy... it was just too much in a live-action film. Making matters worse, if that's possible, the already overly stimulating scenes are chopped up with equally distracting (and unnecessary) flashbacks.

There is never a 100 percent perfect way for me to judge a film before I take my grandson. Even the ratings are deceiving at times, so I trusted in the base material this time, as I have in the past. What could frighten or cause overt hyperactivity in a pre-K child in an anime cartoon from the '60s? An unsettling baddy scene with piranhas, a raw leg bone of some kind and an accident with the aquarium nearly sent my guy and me running, but we made it through and talked about it later. About an hour and a half into the film, I remembered my daughter-in-law telling me that flashing lights and images can cause over-stimulation in small children, so I suppose I could have packed little Case up and left the theater, but I never thought it would go on for so long and it is tough to write a review when I don't see the whole movie.

The PG rating on “Speed Racer” should be heeded and I guess the target audience is 8- to 12-year-olds, but I still can't recommend it. I will say that my friend and her nearly 5-year-old son were not as put off as I, but they did not love it either. My grandson does like his Speed Racer race car (a birthday gift) and he wanted the poster, but so what? That is good merchandise marketing, not good movie-making.

I am placing a D+ in my gradebook. To the fair, the cast from Hirsch to Sarandon play it to the hilt, but they are lost in the plethora of problems that plague this film.

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