Lucy, Emily, and I were driving to Mimi’s house and talking about who knows what. I’m sure it was something I was doing wrong. You know, ever since she’s been pregnant, I can do no right. I probably ate the last of something. She can eat the first nine servings of ice cream out of a 10-serving tub, but if I attempt to eat that tenth serving, it gets ugly—real quick. Apparently, there’s a rule for men during pregnancy, and that rule is “don’t eat the last…of anything.”
Fortunately, I was saved by a horse. Lucy has always loved horses and even keeps a horse bridal and lead rope in the trunk of her car, because you just never know.
The beautiful bay horse was grazing just off the side of the road. We feared for its safety, as well as the safety of others. We know what kind of damage can be done to a car when it hits a deer. It could be fatal with a horse. We pulled into the driveway directly across from where the horse was standing. When we got out of the car, we noticed a little donkey standing at its side.
Lucy briskly walked to the front door. These brisk walks are usually reserved for ice cream. The homeowner opened the door and four little white dogs came pouring out, not to mention a much larger three-legged beauty. I think she was party Husky. Emily attempted to corral the dogs while Lucy explained what was going on.
We introduced ourselves to our new friends Steve and Carol. They were really good people. He was an Army veteran, too. Hooah! While we chatted, Lucy went to fetch the horse emergency gear from her trunk. Emily was still rounding up little white dogs.
The horse and donkey found their way into the backyard of the house across the road on top of the hill. Lucy is six months pregnant, and I’m just out of shape. It was not a pretty sight. We knocked on the front door to let them know what we were doing running around their yard. It turned out to be the home of a guy I know named Bubba; I just didn’t know he lived there.
The horse and donkey made their way into the wood line but Lucy the horse whisperer lured them out by whispering sweet nothings from afar. The horse walked right up to her. Lucy then gently stroked its neck as she prepared to affix the bridal to the wayward horse, but when the four-legged beauty saw the bridal, she took off like Lucy looking for ice cream. The donkey followed.
Fortunately, Steve and Carol had crossed the road and were waiting by Bubba’s driveway. Emily had her arms around the three-legged dog. Bubba walked down with us. The horse and donkey went home. We have new friends, we finally made it to Mimi’s for dinner, and everyone lived happily ever after. That is, until Lucy reads this article. Pray for me. I’m going to go eat ice cream.
Jody Fuller is from Opelika, Ala. He is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. For more information, please visit www.jodyfuller.com